Soul Mates
by SpikesFanGirl
Summary: Spike Is living in LA (Between Season 6 and 7) and recovering from his new soul. Can Eliza help him learn to love again? Companion to Learning with Lorne!! Not a B/S Story. Sorry!
1. Arrival

A/N: Hey, I've been really Sporadic with my writing, I know, But I'm getting back into the groove, NO WORRIES! :) And Just so you know, the girl in this story, is the same one in "Learning from Lorne" and it actually takes place in the same time period, and everything, Neato eh? Right. I know everyone here (or a lot of people) are B/S, and I"m usually that kind of shipper, but tonight-- err this fic-- I'm S/? Want to know who? READ! HA!  
  
  
  
It was my sophomore year of college. My friend convinced me that a road trip to L.A. would help me unwind. Somehow, I doubted that it would help. The trip was right before finals, relaxing was far from my mind. I drove through the night, as my two best sorority sisters snoozed. I flew past exits wondering what in the city of Angels would relax me.  
  
My hands tightly gripped the wheel as I changed lanes. I woke one of my friends. She stretched lazily, and rubbed her eyes.  
  
"Where we stayin' Beth?" I yawned. She continued to rub the sleep out of her eyes.  
  
"What do you mean?" Beth drawled. Her Texas accent was ever present. "Honey, you're sittin' in your hotel!" Beth poked Manny in the back. "Help us keep an eye out for a good place to park so we can ---" Manny interrupted.  
  
"I do NOT think so!" Her voice oozed attitude. "I have plastic. Lets go to Holiday Inn, or something. Not the best....." She shuddered."But if I'm in this car one more minute, I'll go insane." I nodded pulling into the closest cheap looking Inn.  
  
We paid, loaded our stuff in our room, and by the time we were done, it was three. Manny and Beth were asleep with clothes strewn about the room. I rolled my eyes and stepped out for a cigarette. I was the only one who smoked, so we had a non smoking room. My feet dangled idly from the upstairs railing. I let my mind wander through all the things that had happened to me, and the whole idea of relaxing on this trip-- it was foreign to me.  
  
I don't know how long I sat before I heard him. He was walking back to his room, he'd begin to look confident, then lose it all, he'd stop, mumble something then continue up the stairs. Even from across the courtyard I could see his eyes were a stunning blue, they were shining like the ocean lit by the moon. I had seen it only a few hours ago, I remembered it vividly, they had the same gleam. The full moon cast a pale light on his bright blonde hair. His long coat swayed as he walked, complimenting his movements perfectly. Somehow, I was taken immediately. Was this to relax me in Los Angeles?  
  
"Hey there." I said quietly. I didn't think he'd hear me, but he stopped and breathed in. He stooped to my ear and whispered.  
  
"Hello there ducks....." He sniffed the air. "Can I bum a cig?" I nodded and produced my package of Virginia Slims. He grimaced but lit up nonetheless. "So." He took a long drag. "What's a girl like you doin' out here? We've got some bad nasties here in LA." I paused, wondering if I had just gotten a pickup line.  
  
"I'm taking a little vacation." I sighed. "Gettin' through the nasties of Freshman year and......" I stopped. "I bet you don't care. Sorry...." He waved it off.  
  
"No, I'm interested." He looked at his watch and stretched. "Bloody 'ell! It's late! Sun'll be up soon. Here.... " He rose and took my hand "Come and tell me more." I'll never remember why I trusted him. It may gave been the accent, his eyes, or the smell he gave off, but I went. 


	2. Slowly Revealed Burns

He had a deluxe suite. A kitchen, a couch, and a king size bed. It was really nice, especially for the particular hotel. I let my eyes wander, scanning the new surroundings. Several bottles lay open and empty on the floor. A few items of clothing were strewn about. I didn't mind, in fact it reminded me of the sorority. He cleaned the couch off, removing the offending clothes and garbage.  
  
"There's a spot." Quickly he closed the blinds. I took my place as he continued to tidy. "Would you like some coffee?" I shook my head.  
  
"I've had too much." I searched for my pack. "Is this a smoking room?" He nodded and I lit up again eagerly. I relaxed. The haze from the cigarette masked my face. He began to mutter to himself again. It disturbed me. Half whispers of things I couldn't make out. "So." I puffed out. "What's your name?" This seemed to draw him out.  
  
"Umm. . . . Uh. . . "He looked around nervously and found nothing but smoke. He took a deep breath in. "William," He paused and muttered to him self, it seemed to me that he was upset over calling himself by his name. "My friends call me Spike." I crushed my cigarette and waved the air.  
  
"Spike." I said tenderly. I shocked me, as well as him. I turned and stared at the ash tray. Silence passed.  
  
"What's your name?" He asked timidly. I never assumed him to be timid. His stance upon meeting was confident, but now, timidity had snuck into his demeanor. He seemed childlike, and extremely unaware of his surroundings. I met his eyes and became lost in thought.  
  
"My name...... is...... " I paused memorized by his eyes. ".... is Eliza." I continued to stare. The air began to feel tangible, as if something was building in the room. The feeling was almost smothering.  
  
"Eliza." He said slightly bitter. It wasn't directed at me, he seemed to me talking to his hands, or simply a memory. "It's a very pretty name." He addressed me. He promptly cleared a space for himself on the couch. next to me. "So, your relaxing vacation isn't so relaxing, is it luv?" I paused. I noticed that my body was rigid, and my back distanced from the couch. I laughed at my own actions.  
  
"We've been in just a few hours, but I haven't had a chance. . . ." I stopped, realizing that I was making stupid excuses for something-- something I didn't want to admit hurt so deep inside. Spike tended to his mug of coffee.  
  
"Doesn't seem like you want to. Relaxing is something you have to WANT to do." Spike leaned back as if to demonstrate his relaxed attitude. I smiled.  
  
"It was my friend's idea. I'm more of a study till my eyes pop out girl." I nodded absent-mindedly. I realized that I had been playing with my jacket for the last few minutes. All I wanted at this point in time was to study, somewhere safe, amid a huge pile of books. Spike shook his head, as if he knew my thoughts.  
  
"This is the City of Angels, love! You have to have some fun." Spike stood, and turned on his clock radio. It had been pre-set to a punk station. It began to blare No Doubt's 'Underneath it All.' I was a little self conscious and only nodded to the beat. "That won't do." Spike held out his hands. "Let's Dance." I shook my head wildly. He rolled his eyes, and grabbed my hands in an attempt to pull me up. I continued to object, but all it took was contact, and a soft 'no' to get him to become flustered. I had seen him like this before, when he was walking up the steps. He looked as if he was confused, even in a daze, for no reason at all. He excused himself and left the room momentarily. I couldn't help but let the beat of the music take me away as I began to dance and sing along.  
  
"You've used up all your coupons And all you've got left is me And somehow I'm full of forgiveness I guess it's meant to be" I swayed to the music. Two arms went around my waist, and I became aware of Spike's presence.  
  
" I thought you couldn't dance, ducks!" He spun me around and crushed his body to mine. My black hair fell from its tightly held bun. Hesitantly his hand rose and brushed my hair back. "Your eyes. . ." his head tilted to the side. "are very sad. Some one you loved hurt you." I stood still, any magic in the moment was gone. My memories of home, of school, rushed back with ferocity. What I was doing here in Los Angeles was hiding from the pain, the rejection-- from him. I choked back a sob and looked at the complete honesty and trust reflected in Spike's eyes. The shone as if he had experienced it all; the pain, the hurt, the death, and the glory, and lived an innocent life, like he still didn't know what it all meant. 


	3. Mending

A/N: Lemmie say this now. Buffy will be here. No, Buffy will not get with Spike. this is not a spuffy story. I love Spuffy Stories, I do. I love them as a pairing. This story though, is directed towards someone who fits Spike better at this point in time. Keep reading if you want, but it isn't Spuffy.  
  
I felt color drain from my face. I knew how I looked, like I had just seen a ghost. A flood of memories, half spoken phrases of endearment rushed through my ears, my eyes darted around, I knew where I was going. It was time for one more trip down memory lane. I prayed silently that Spike may be able to help me out of my past, and into some kind of future. My eyes welled with tears. "Yes." I nodded for a few moments, only agreeing that I was in a pain that I was sure no one should suffer. Spike sat down on the bed, and beckoned for me to do likewise. I felt my brain call for me to hesitate, or even resist, but his open arms called to my broken heart, overriding all sense.  
  
"What was his name?" A soft and soothing empathy flooded his voice. He rubbed my arm gently, attempting to soothe me. Spike never mentioned anything about the pain in his past that morning, but I could see in his eyes, he was sharing. He wanted my pain to go away, hoping that it would make his go as well.  
  
"His name was Jacob, he was my fiancee." I leaned heavily on Spike. Just saying his name, remembering all the promises he made, and broke, drained me of all I possessed. Spike understood, I realized that he felt my pain, in a more palpable way. My body shook with anger as Spike continued to help relieve my pain.  
  
"What did he do?" His arms circled around me. Angry tears flooded my face, streaking my makeup, I didn't care.  
  
"He slept with my best friend." I kept crying, and felt my eyes swell. Spike's arms kept me close, as I sobbed for an unknown amount of time. I looked into his eyes, and two gleaming sapphires greeted me. My eyes fluttered as I leaned towards Spike. Our lips met. At first the kiss was soft and chaste, but the passion behind it built. It seemed real, all of it, the attraction, the romance, the quickly built relationship between us. He was saving me, but I could feel hesitation in the kiss. Spike began to pull away, but I couldn't let go of the one good thing I had. I reached back for him, toying with the buttons on his shirt, I pulled his shirt off, ripping a few buttons from his shirt. I let my hand wander across his white bare chest. Spike had fought off any hesitation now, and was working off my black tank top, and throwing it to the couch. A soft knock interrupted Spike and I.  
  
"Bullocks." He rose from the bed searching for his shirt, but decided to just answer the door without one. He unlatched the door. "Yeah?"  
  
"Sorry to bother you so early, Sir, but our friend is missing. We were wondering if you had seen her. Her name is Eliza, she's around five seven, wears her hair in a bun. . . ." I ran for my shirt and pulled it on. I didn't think it had gotten so late. I pushed my now loose hair behind my ear.  
  
"Hey-y Ducks!" I ran to the door."Someone here for ya luv." I nodded looking at the time. It was eight. The time had passed so quickly. I looked out to the shaded corridor. I smiled at Manny and Beth.  
  
"Hey." I said nonchalant. Manny and Beth gawked at me. I stepped outside of Spike's door, only to be yanked back in by my arm. Spike pulled me into a tender kiss.  
  
"Come back and visit, okay?" He whispered. I nodded exiting once again. I stared at my friends, with moony eyes. The door had barely been shut when they began to prod for answers.  
  
"What was up with that!?" Manny stopped me, looking totally serious. "Is he some kind of gigolo? that isn't the way to solve your problems, Liza. I don't think you should be rushing into anything too fast--" Beth was too excited to hold it in.  
  
"Oh MY GOSH! Don't tell me you slept with him! I mean -- like-- wow! He's totally hot, what's his name? Does he have a roommate? Does he have two? Oh, Liza, you HAVE to share! Spill Spill!" Beth coached. I yawned. "Nothing happened. We met, we talked, whatever." I attempted to shrug off everything I had felt in the short time I had met Spike. Still he knew. Deep inside he felt the same as me. He had the same pain coursing through his blood like me. I yawned again.  
  
Beth pointed at my tank top. "Little-Miss-Nothing-Happened," she paused to flick my shirt. "You're tank top is on backwards." Manny giggled. I rolled my eyes. "Hey, Let's go! Time to shop! There are millions of shoes I haven't tried on yet, and they're all calling my name." She pretended to hear the shoes, and leaned over the balcony. "I'm coming shoes, I'm coming!" I laughed, and Manny pulled her back.  
  
"You guys go, and have fun, but I still haven't slept tonight. I really need to. Go and rest-- you go to the shoes. I go to the shower."  
  
Manny waved her nose playfully. "And not a moment too soon." I pushed her mockingly and opened the hotel room door with my key, and entered a day full of relaxation. 


	4. Continued Revelations

Inside of the hotel room a sense of freedom and excitement ran through me. I ran quickly to the show to cool down from the morning's activities. I stepped into the shower and allowed the memories of the previous night fill me with a sense of curiosity.  
  
After finishing my lengthy shower I relaxed on the bed directly in front of the tv. I pondered what I could watch on the fancy cable tv, and how long it would take before I fell asleep. After flipping through several channels a soft knock came to the door. Swiftly I wrapped my robe tightly around my body. I stood on my toes to see through the peep hole. Spike paced outside, I laughed quietly to myself. I smirked as I casually opened the door. The sun was shining, but we were still sheltered from it's blazing rays. Spike halted his pacing abruptly and looked me directly in the eyes. I was startled at the abrupt eye contact. I smiled shyly at the nervous blonde.  
  
"Want to come in?" I invited casually, moving out of the way. He nodded almost solemnly as he walked inside. I notice he seemed weary, as if he hadn't slept in days, or possibly even longer. His eyes had taken on a deep dull cast, he was more than tired, he was worn. "Spike?" I questioned tenderly, wanting to understand the pain he felt, to make it all go away, even though I didn't know him well, something deep inside of me called to him, called to soothe and calm. I didn't want to help Spike, I needed to. He sat on the edge of the bed, allowing his body to hang limply under the weight of his burden. We sat in a deafening silence, but only momentarily.  
  
"I'm sorry." He said, fresh and deep pain gleaming in his eyes. He seemed once again to be talking to his hands. I ached to take them, to hold them, and to tell him that it wasn't supposed to be this way, that whatever was hurting him, wasn't supposed to cause this kind of emotional torture.  
  
I laughed softly at his apology. I wasn't mocking the attempt for redemption, but simply knew there was no need for it. I let my head rest of his shoulder. "For what?" I reached out my hand bravely, and clasped his inside it tightly, as if the connection there in could ease the pain, could transfer some of the burden to me, so that I might carry it in his stead.  
  
"For this morning. I shouldn't have . . ." He paused. His blue eyes met mine for a moment. In them I knew it all, his pain and heartache, the passion and the fire, the torment of it all; it weighed me down. I couldn't move, it was as if the knowledge of it all, the simple glance that told me the story of his life, had paralyzed me. Slowly I let my hand brush across his face, wiping gently the tear that had fallen there.  
  
"I wanted to." I had to look away, before I was exposed to him for what I truly was. I didn't want him to know, to see inside of me the way I saw inside of him. I played with the coffee maker for a minute, distracting myself in anyway possible. "Do you want some coffee? I'm not very good at making it, but I guess it's good enough, I mean Manny and Beth drink it, just because ....." I felt Spike slip his arms around my waist, gently, not demanding any sort of return. My heart fluttered as I turned to look at his sharp features.  
  
"Why?" Spike asked, with all the simplicity of a child. He seemed genuine in his query, but I was confused at the meaning of the question. "Why do you trust me?" I let my hand rest gently on his shoulder. I couldn't think of only one reason I trusted him. He seemed so different, so special, captivating in a way, I knew that he wasn't going to hurt me from the beginning. Maybe his ability to become like a child, to see the world as a child would is why-- I didn't know, but my soul sang from the moment I saw him.  
  
"Because I feel your pain. I see it in your eyes. . . " I paused running the back of my hand down his cheek. "Why shouldn't I trust you?" I gazed, wanting to read him, knowing that the words might never really be the truth, but knowing as well that I could see it in his eyes. There was a sharp flash of pain.  
  
"I'm a monster. You don't see who I am?" He turned away, severing all contact we had. I felt cold and alone when I lacked his touch. I would do anything to regain it. He began to walk to the door. I spoke quickly to hopefully make him stay.  
  
"No. I see a man " Spike stopped, and stood. "I see a man in pain, no even more than that Spike, I see a man in some sort of eternal torment." I stepped towards him, afraid and apprehensive. The thought crossed my racing mind that he might be going, that he might never see me again. "I see a man that felt my pain." I paused, only in a moments hesitation. "Please don't go." Spike fell to his knees. I rushed to him and immediately filled my arms with his body.  
  
"Eliza. . . " Spike's voice broke, and I cradled him in my arms.  
  
Over the next few hours, he told me his story; all of it. He seemed to die at the end, as if all of the good times could never overshadow the one mistake he had made. "I had to leave. Buffy. . . I couldn't look her in the eyes, not after. . . not after that." I soothed Spike as he told his tale, as he admitted that he loved Buffy more than anything, and how he didn't mean to hurt her. "I know it sounds like an excuse," Tears pooled in his eyes, "but I was addicted to her, the way she moved, the way she said my name. I needed to hear her scream it, needed to be inside of her." When he spoke of his actions, it was as if he was disgusted with himself, but it was another person. As if his attempt to rape her was a being in itself. Spike broke into sobs, rocking back and forth repeating, "I needed her."  
  
I don't know how long we sat there, but we fell asleep after a while. It was comforting there, inside one another's embrace. It was something more than just some sort of fling, for both of us. We honestly cared about one another. I don't even know how long he'd been living in LA, in this hotel, but I knew so much more. What we had went deeper than words or bonds or embraces, we knew each others soul.  
  
Manny nudged me impatiently. I became annoyed quickly with her behavior. "Leave me the Hell alone." I muttered.  
  
"Wake up Sleeping Beauty!" Beth yelled in my ear, while poking my side. I stirred.  
  
"What is it Bethany? Because if you dont' have a good reason to wake me up, I'd suggest you run for cover." I yawned and stretched and became aware I was missing one napping friend. I looked around frantically for Spike. I felt oddly alone, and extremely cold.  
  
"Time to go clubbing!" Manny said enthusiastically. I rolled my eyes. I didn't think getting drunk and felt up was going to raise my spirits much, if at all.  
  
"Oh. . . Right." I searched the table and counter for a note, anything that may have told me where Spike had gone, especially so suddenly. I grabbed my black dress, and proceeded to get ready for a night on the town with my two friends, and no soul mate. 


	5. Night On The Town

A/N: This is a bit of a re-write of "Learning from Lorne" But don't turn away just yet, It's been added to, and worked on! I hope you like it. This is the longest Chapter yet, I'm sure. Also.... I will be adding on what Spike is doing while Eliza is getting plastered. :) Hope you like it, Read and Review, It's what makes me live and breathe, I promise I'll update more often if you give me lots of reviews!  
  
We hit a few bars. Nothing too exciting, at least not to me. I spent most of my time at the bar, just drowning, like I usually do. Beth and Manny got a few numbers. All night I day dreamed, that someone would come and rescue me, I got to the point I didn't care who it was. Spike. My ex. Either one, didn't matter to me, I just wanted to be saved from the hell I was living. I downed a few shots of something, the bartender seemed to think it would help to dull it all. It never did. Not even after a whole bottle, no one came. It seemed to just sharpen the pain.  
  
We returned to the motel, and I perched on the balcony, hoping to see him staggering in, like I had done. I wanted it all to happen again. He'd ask me for a smoke, I'd give him one, and we'd end up in his room again. I discovered then that what I had really came to LA for was a distraction. Anything. Booze, Boys, at this point I'd settle for a knife through the foot. Something else to focus on for a while.  
  
After One or so, I meandered down to the front office. I wasn't clear on why, but the memories of that night still aren't the sharpest ever. I wanted someone to tell me I'd be okay, and when they said it, I wanted to be able to believe them. I leaned over the desk and looked at the night clerk.  
  
"Hello." I said slurring my words slightly. I swayed and held onto the counter for dear life. "Do you have any messages for room 235?" The clerk searched frantically. I could tell he was frightened, and probably thought I was some drunk bum that had come in to stab him for his money.  
  
"Let me check." He dissappeared for a moment returning with a slip of white paper. He handed it over warily. "Yes, there you are." I sighed deeply, hiccuped and read the note.  
  
"Eliza-  
  
Thank you for dealing with my pain.  
  
I will be returning soon to LA but  
  
had some unfinished business in  
  
Sunnydale. Please be here when I  
  
return.  
  
-Love  
  
Spike"  
  
I smiled and thanked the clerk. How long would he be? I couldn't wait in this motel forever. I shook my head feeling slightly deluded. I could wait as long as I could, but forever. My mind flashed to our earlier interlude in the hotel. I had laid on the floor in my room. We were friends, we cried together for our lost loves, and our potential one.  
  
I didn't know what to think, where to go, what to do. I wandered the sidewalks of LA until I found a bar. Caritas. The name confused me, but confusing me wasn't hard to do at this point. I entered completely sullen, and ready for something to take me away.  
  
I entered in, taking a seat at the bar, listening to a group of rather odd looking people try and croon on the karaoke machine. Weary, I let my head rest on the bar. Something about this bar spoke to me. I didn't know what at first; maybe it was the karaoke, I had an affinity for singing even though I'm never on tune. This was no exception.  
  
I stood on stage looking out on the crowd, for some reason the odd faces in the audience didn't scare me. I thumbed casually through the catalogue unsure of what to sing. My finger rested on a random song. I felt a flood of irony was through me as the soft strains of R.E.M.'s "Everybody Hurts" began and the lyrics appeared on the small screen in front of me. I didn't need them, the words seemed to be my own. All the same I stared mindlessly into the glowing box. "Everybod-y-y-y hu-u-u-urts S-o-o-o-o-mmmmmetimes-s. . . ." I slurred the words as they happily taunted my splintered life.  
  
The bartender placed the tequila bottle softly on the counter, making my ears ring endlessly. I sat up, looking through the three shot glasses filled to the brim. Carefully I placed the glass to my lips, and downed the first shot and winced as the alcohol burned it's way to my stomach. I tapped the bar to signify to the peculiar bartender that it was time for a refill. I became aware of a man in a white suit sitting next to me. I kept my position on my stool, leaning down to look through the glass as the bartender poured the golden liquid in.  
  
"You have quite a set 'a pipes on ya there sister. . . ." The man signaled to the bartender to refill the second of the three drinks. I allowed a sarcastic tone to fill my voice.  
  
"Thanks, but I only sing while completely smashed, as well as utterly depressed." I nodded to the bartender in thanks, raised my glass in a toast like motion, squeezed a lime into my mouth, and downed the shot. I winced noticeably and shook my head to rid my mouth of the bitter taste. "I'm not interested in a record contract, so you can leave now." The man turned towards me, resting his hand gently over mine.  
  
"Want to know what I heard doll? You might find it more helpful than a bottle of tequila." He met my gaze as I turned to see who he was. Some how I wasn't startled by his red horns, or green skin. In fact I'd have to say his skin was complimented by his stark white suit, not to mention the silk shirt he was wearing. I took this all in quickly, I was all too interested in what he had said.  
  
"So," I said lazily, "what did you hear? The makings of a true diva, cause like I said I'm not interested in a contract." I laughed half heartedly. I waved to the bartender to finish off the bottle. He hesitated looking to the man, and back at the bottle, then to me. The man tapped the glasses and the bartender quickly obeyed.  
  
"On the house." He smiled kindly. "I heard what you know already." He steadied me as I swayed. "That guy just wasn't the one for you, hun." I met his gaze, as I felt my eyes well with tears. "Sh-h. It's okay, Liza! You don't need to worry about the fall, you've already bounced. You've found him. You need to hold on to him, and never let go, no matter what." I nodded absent mindedly. "You understand Eliza? I mean never, no matter what." I nodded again as he slid a card over to me. "My friends call me Lorne." He nodded to the bartender knowingly. "Three more, then call her a cab." I turned carefully, and watched him leave the bar and jump onto the stage casually.  
  
I watched him on stage, relaxed and. . . almost giddy. This whole bar, the whole trip to L.A., was odd. I wasn't uncomfortable, just confused as to what kind of magic had came into my life. Lorne continued the stage show by singing an upbeat tune. I cringed openly as the Vegas style show tune reminded me of my trip there last spring with Jacob. I let my head rest of the bar at an awkward angle. Why had Spike left so suddenly for Sunnydale? I left my head begin to spin. Lorne finished the song with a classic jazz-like wail, and proceeded to stand next to the exit. I swaggered to him.  
  
"Why?" I hiccuped and stumbled over my own feet. Lorne reached out to steady me again. "Why does it hurt?" I tapped my chest as I felt the tears begin. "Right here, all the time. . ." I sobbed. "So much. He slept with my best friend. I gave him it all. My heart, my time. . ." I tried to blink back the tears unsuccessfully. As Lorne stared down at me, I felt his empathy warm me.  
  
"I know it hurts doll. I can see it." He stroked my hair gently. "I know exactly everything you gave to him," Lorne sighed heavily. "He didn't deserve any of it." He waited for my sobbing to stop. I sniffled. I had lost so much. I had given him more than I should. My time for mourning my dead love life was over. "Remember who you are, and who you're waiting for." Lorne winked knowingly as he slid my limp body into the cab. I told the cabbie where I was staying and he drove there promptly, and without making me sick. I attempted to pay him but he refused and told me he owed a favor to Lorne. I nodded and thanked him for the ride. 


	6. Where are you Going?

The wind blew dust against the hotel room window. Spike looked at the clock anxiously, six-fifteen. The sun had finally set. It had been a wonderful day. Eliza had held him so tightly while he cried, the sensation made him remember every moment he had spent with Buffy last year. He shuddered openly, and turned to look at Eliza's sleeping form. Gently he covered her petite body with a spare blanket. Spike smiled sadly as he brushed the hair from her face. Eliza responded by leaning into his cold touch. Spike quickly recoiled his hand. This wasn't right. . . . he needed her forgiveness. . . approval. . . something. Spike sighed and placed his duster lightly on his shoulders.  
  
"G'bye Liza. I promise I'll come back." He hesitated, letting his fingers trace along her cheek one more time before leaving for his de Soto.  
  
After placing a message for Liza with the front office, picking up some cigs, and filling up with blood and gas he was well on his way to Sunnydale.  
  
The road was long and mesmerizing, and gave Spike ample time to think about what he was journeying for. He knew that his love for Buffy was deep, deeper than anything he had felt before... but... He pictured Eliza's sleeping face and smiled. Spike also knew that Eliza held a deep meaning for him, and was some how important despite the fact he barely knew her. She seemed to radiate a special glow that made him feel, like he never had before. It was a gentle light, not blinding and burning, but soft, almost more of an emotion than light at all. It wasn't like Buffy at all, it wasn't that Buffy wasn't bright, she shone like the sun itself, but that was the point-- Buffy was too bright, too harsh. Eliza was able to defend herself, yet had an odd vulnerability to her that kept the warm light continually emanating from her. Spike knew he had felt this all before, but it had been so long. . . . the memories seemed so far away. Spike sighed deeply as he let William's memories flooded int his mind. There was a time that Spike fought the onslaught of William's memories, but since he had earned his soul, he had learned to embrace them, and learn from them. Upon allowing the memories to play back, as the emotions from so long ago filtered through his mind. Then he remembered completely, allowing a name to slip from his lips.  
  
"Gwen." He remembered it all so well now. She had been his best of friends. When Cecily trounced his heart, he had always ran to Gwen. He laughed at the memory. She had always been there, unchanging. Gentle, but always firm and determined. She had often read the poetry meant for Cecily first, calling it the best she had ever heard. Spike laughed aloud. Gwen was a horrible liar. Spike recalled Gwen on her wedding day, he didn't attend because of his siring, but he still cared for her very much. She was a picture, more beautiful than Spike had ever realized. Her black hair framed her pale white face, laced b spring flowers. He still remembered what she said when she kissed him goodbye for the last time.  
  
"It was always about you." Slowly she grasped her husband's hand. "It was supposed to be you." She whispered gently into his ear.   
  
Tears now stormed down Spike's face as he fully realized. . . Gwen. . . Eliza. . . he loved Gwen but had left her for this life, and fate had given him another chance by sending Eliza to him. Spike sped down the highway. His love for Buffy ran deep, but he and Eliza seemed to span all time.  
  
Spike arrived in Sunnydale same as ever, crashing through the 'Welcome to Sunnydale' sign. The moon was high in the sky, and he knew exactly where to go to find his peace. 


End file.
